


Teenage Vow In A Parking Lot

by rosiedoesfic



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Coercion, M/M, The most vanilla sexual bribery ever, Voluntary Jackassery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-14 00:29:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9148732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosiedoesfic/pseuds/rosiedoesfic
Summary: A one-shot ficlet theorising on the story behind the infamousPatroh Kiss Video, in which Pete gleefully tells an interviewer about them drunkenly making out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd.

**Teenage Vow In A Parking Lot**

_ Hey kid, you'll never live this down... _

  
  


Somehow, with Pete involved, shows always seemed to end up at abandoned parking lots at 2am, usually with someone being coerced into shoving something up their ass. Which always raised a lot of questions for Patrick about what Pete’s fixation with asses really implied. 

Patrick had always done just enough to keep Pete off his back - he’d drink the fucking garlic butter if that bought him another weekend without eating someone else’s vomit - but tomorrow was Andy’s mom’s birthday and he’d rushed home to be there for her the next day, so he wasn’t around to adjudicate or protect them from the loving, brotherly bullying. Or from Pete pressuring Joe into drinking alcohol so he could see him drunk, as if that was the funniest thing in the world.

“Hey - hey, Duck Hunt, you know what you gotta do?” Pete announced, grabbing him by the shoulder as he chugged the third and held the bottle aloft, grinning. “You need to make out with someone!”

Joe’s face fell. “Um...”

“Yeah, yeah - okay, who’re we gonna...” Pete’s eyes scanned the group, some of whom were engaged in separate conversations, and Patrick watched from where he was sitting on the hood of Chris’s car, drinking a can of Sprite. “Juan!”

“Nope!” Juan replied, without even turning to look at him. 

“Not even - ?”

“You still owe me. I’m on amnesty.” 

“Damn,” Pete muttered, looking around again, surveying his options. Patrick rolled his eyes and cast Joe a sympathetic look, which was met with a half-hearted grin and a shrug. He bent down to pick another bottle out of the crate in the trunk of Nick’s car and opened it, giving him a little salute before he started on it.

And then Pete’s eyes fell on Patrick and lit up with glee.

“OH. Yes! Yes, this is perfect - LUNCHBOX!”

“What now?”

“You’d make out with Trohman, right?”

Patrick snorted. “Oh, sure.”

“C’mon, man - I’ll give you ten bucks!”

“Ten whole bucks? Ooooh, I wonder what I’ll buy first...”

“So you’ll do it?”

“Nope.”

“You have to!”

“What the hell, man? How did ‘nope’ work for Juan, but not me?”

“He let me defile his butthole already.”

Behind him, Joe choked on his beer. “Explains a lot,” he spluttered, wiping his chin. Patrick grinned at him.

Pete ignored or didn’t get his own innuendo and scuttled over to the car to tug at Patrick until he stood up, bleating, “C’moooooooon! C’mon, it’ll be  _ funny _ !”

Sighing, Patrick cast a look at Joe over Pete’s shoulder, he was a little flushed in the yellow of the streetlights and now focusing intently on his bottle.

“He’s totally drunk, anyway, he won’t even remember it tomorrow!” Pete tried. Only, Pete didn’t know what Patrick knew: that Joe had started drinking months ago and it was going to take more than three and a quarter bottles of weak beer to get him wasted, these days.

“If I do it, I want a  _ whole month _ scot free.”

Pete gave a little bounce of triumph. “Yes! FUCKING YES! Yo! You guys - you gotta see this!”

“God, you’re an asshole,” Patrick muttered, stretching.  _ Right, let’s do this _ . He took a deep breath and strode deliberately across to where Joe was standing, still clutching his beer and leaning against the car. He stopped in front of him, self-consciously aware of Jeanae balancing on her toes and laughing at them over his left shoulder, and a few others giggling and cat calling by Spitalfield’s van.

“Dude, are you, like,  _ sure _ ?” Joe asked, casting sideways glances at their gathered friends and looking at him through his lashes. 

“Yeah, man,” Patrick shrugged, “I mean, this is gonna get me off for a month, so...”

Joe spluttered with laughter. “Uh... well...”

“What? Oh - you’re  _ lame _ , you know that?”

“Massively.”

They grinned at each other.

"They're like, never gonna let us forget this, you know that, right?"

Patrick shrugged, "At least I'm not getting my scrotum stapled to a bench or something, man…" 

"QUIT TALKING, START KISSING!" Pete bellowed.

Reluctantly, Joe straightened up and said, "Okay, so I'm gonna do this to shut him up. I'm like, sorry or something."

Patrick managed a small smile before Joe ducked down and pressed their lips together for the count of two, and then backed off, immediately bringing his bottle to his mouth. Behind them, De'Mar and Mark were in hysterics,but Pete wasn't satisfied.

"No way! Who do you think he is, man, your fucking grandma?! LIKE YOU MEAN IT!"

"Dude, are you fucking serious?" Joe whined, exasperated. 

"Yes!"

"I'm not even getting paid for doing this!"

"I'll share the ten bucks with you," Patrick offered, reaching out and catching his arm, because if they were going to be mocked at least it wouldn't be for being chicken. "Just give him what he wants and they can all laugh, and we can get on with stuff…"

Joe looked around them, reluctantly. As much as he put up with it, Patrick knew he didn't like being the butt of everyone's jokes, and Patrick just wanted to get it over with - the less of a deal they made out of it, the smaller the payoff for Pete. Finally, Joe nodded and leaned closer again, "You start." 

Patrick dropped his grip on Joe's arm and rolled his shoulders like he was stepping into a prize fight. Still holding his Sprite, he took a handful of his t-shirt and went for it, pressing him against the car so they didn't tumble over and make the whole thing twice as memorable. He could hear everyone else whooping and making grossed out noises, but Joe's hands materialised on his waist and pulled them closer together. He'd definitely taken on the instruction about doing it like they meant it.

_ Suck on this, Wentz, you jackass, _ Patrick thought smugly.

When he deemed they'd given them enough rope to hang them with, he gave Joe one last peck and pulled away, lifting his arm and dropping his can pointedly. He looked Pete directly in the eye and bowed, then returned to his seat on the hood of Chris's car as if nothing had happened.

Joe remained where he was, grinning like a dork and pulling the label off his bottle. 

Pete coughed up his ten bucks and decided he wanted to set fire to something next, so Patrick retrieved his can and threw it in the trash, then convinced Joe to get a ride home with him in Jim's truck. 

When the tail lights turned out onto the street from the corner of the little parking lot across from their apartment, he tugged his hand out of his pocket and caught Joe's, wrapping his fingers across his palm. Joe wriggled his hand free and wound their fingers together instead.

"I thought he was gonna make me kiss someone else," Joe confessed, fumbling in his pocket for his key. "I wasn't sure what you were gonna do…  like, if you'd be mad or something."

"Oh, I'd have been  _ pissed _ ," he teased. "I know you're desperate to make out with people who eat vomit."

"I'm serious, dude, I was like, 'Crap, what do I  _ do? _ '"

"You know, we could just tell him," Patrick said. "It's been months…"

Joe shrugged a little. "After tonight, would you still want to?"

Patrick yanked his hand to make Joe turn to him. "Hey, I'd have made out with you in front of them, even if Pete hadn't paid me… You want know why?"

"Sure, but you still owe me the five bucks, by the way."

Sighing, Patrick pulled out his wallet and stuffed the $10 bill into Joe's hand. "Just take the whole thing."

Joe didn't argue, he just folded it into his back pocket and waited for Patrick to finish.

"So, you know why?"

"No, that's kind of why I'm standing here, waiting for you to tell me."

"It's because I think that at some point during this thing, I fell in love with you," Patrick told him, watching hopefully for his response. 

For a moment, Joe blinked at him, then he just asked, "Really?" like he wasn't sure he believed it.

"I'm pretty sure."

"Oh. I… well, when you're sure, let me know."

Patrick stared at him, but it only took a moment to see the glint in Joe's eye, even in the dark. He thumped him in the shoulder playfully. "Dick."

Joe grinned and looked around them quickly. "So, like, I'm sure, even if you aren't," he said, before leaning down to kiss him again, of his own free will. Then, he suddenly let go and pulled the bill back out of his pocket, tearing it in half down the middle. "Here. Take this."

"Um… This doesn't make a five dollar bill…"

"No, but you can like, keep that and I'll take this, dude, and it can be our Thing. When we're ready to tell Pete we can tape this sucker back together and treat ourselves. You're worth at least eleven whole dollars, anyway."

Patrick looked up at him blushing, and grinned. It was the dumbest, sweetest gesture and it was the kind of thing that made Joe special.  

"So, hey," he said, tucking his half of the bill back into his wallet, "I guess I should let you know, y'know: I'm sure."

Joe just grinned and raised his hand for a hi-five. 

They didn't tell Pete, though, it was a lot more fun to have their secret, even if it meant that every now and then they let him pay them to make out for his amusement.

  
  



End file.
